There are those who walk among us who are totally lacking in sex appeal. It’s hard to pin down the exact reasons for this asexual demeanor: sometimes it’s a matter of personality, sometimes a matter of looks, sometimes it’s a bit of both.
Whatever the causes, there are clear and present signals that others may consider you asexual — even if you’re decidedly not. Of course, recognizing one or two signs on our list doesn’t necessarily mean that you lack that je ne sais quoi. But if you recognize yourself in, say, the whole list, you may want to listen up and heed our suggestions for quick sex appeal pick-me-ups.
1. Friends Without Benefits
When you take a look at your social circles, do you find yourself with a higher ratio of friends of the opposite sex, and yet you’ve never had nookie with any of them? Doesn’t that seem strange to you? The reason is this: they can hang out with you, tell you about their dirty dating dilemmas, and get good feedback from you without having to worry about any romantic complications from you since you don’t pose a sexual threat. And because your friends aren’t sexually attracted to you, you don’t even benefit from the occasional casual “I just need to get some” sex.
Quick Fix: Don’t let yourself be the shoulder to cry on. Trade friends who suck you dry like an emotional vampire for friends who think you’re just cool to hang with.
2. The Fuzzy Picture
If someone asks me to describe a sexy guy I met at some party, I’d be sure to remember him in pretty precise detail — soft hands, good hair, dimple in one cheek, funky shoes. (Ditto for remembering a girl, but only because I was sizing her up as competition.) With the asexual sort, however, you might as well be asking me to describe the host’s wallpaper pattern. Those without sex appeal just seem to blend in to their surroundings. People will have trouble remembering meeting you, won’t be able to describe you very well, or will use deadly words like “cute” in the same sentence as your name.
Quick Fix: Sexy is on the inside. Work on things to make you feel sexy and you’ll radiate it to everyone around you. Think about taking a pole-dancing class or salsa lessons; anything that gets you in touch with your inner sex demon.
3. I Wish We Could Find You Someone
Do your friends often say that they wish they could set you up with someone, but have never been able to think of anyone that suits the bill? If you ask about the hot guy they work with and they say he’s not right for you but don’t offer a reason for their opinion, you may be asexual. An even worse sign is if they never even talk about setting you up. If bemoaning your single fate is met with awkward silences or a quick change of subject, you know what’s going on.
Quick Fix: Don’t let your friends off the hook. Ask them to set you up with specific people. If they don’t, ask them for phone numbers and email addresses and take matters into your own hands. Just because your friends can’t picture you with Mr./Ms. So-and-So doesn’t mean Mr./Ms. So-and-So isn’t interested.
4. Perpetual Wingman
You’re out on the town with your buddies and one of them meets someone they want to pick up. You “take one for the team” and chat up their unattractive friend so they don’t spoil it for your buddy. Problem is you always seem to be the wingman. Guess what? Your buddies may actually (subconsciously or not) be bringing you along for that very reason. You’re the asexual friend who poses no threat to them in the dating scene.
Quick Fix: Get into the habit of gently but firmly refusing to play nice, letting your friends know that you have you own dating needs and agendas. Explain that, while you may be willing to help them out when they’re in a crunch, the next time you hit the bars, it will be your turn to pick from the cream of the crop.
5. The Invisible Woman
It feels awesome to walk down the street and feel the opposite sex check you out. That quick hit of pedestrian flirting gives the soul a boost. Oh… that doesn’t happen to you? Even during those first early days of the season? What about as you strut by the construction site? I hate to break it to you, my friend, but you may be asexual.
Quick Fix: Enlist the help of a popular friend who you think also has a good sense of style and ask them for a few pointers in the fashion and flirting departments. When you’re out together, check out the way that they interact with strangers, especially how they use their eyes to make contact.
6. You’re Safe
You run into your pal’s boyfriend and decide to have a coffee together. Along comes your pal and discovers you together. Does she fly into a jealous rage? No, she smiles, sits down and joins you. She doesn’t consider you a threat because you have no sex appeal. In fact, the possibility never even crosses her mind. If you often find yourself left alone with your friends’ partners or are asked to entertain them while they are away, it may be a sign you lack drawing power.
Quick Fix: There’s not really a quick fix for this one. In fact it can be taken as a compliment of sorts. But if you start working on some of our other tips, it’s sure to affect your overall sex appeal and pretty soon your friends won’t be so confident leaving you and their loved ones all alone.
Remember — confidence is sexy. So start believing in yourself, baby, and you’ll soon be reeling them.